Do you know how much the world changes when parents understand their mixed child from the inside out at all phases of life? Many things will be faced as mixed people starting even before birth, and being prepared, educated, and aware can mean the difference between support being present and pain walking freely in. Now, there is no way to have all of the answers — understanding that the world is not kind and there will be a series of unfortunate events throughout a mixed person’s life is necessary for a parent to understand. This is a critical thing to realize before a child is brought into the world and throughout their entire life. Mixed girl, having that support and understanding of parents, guardians, godparents, etc., is essential, so don’t be afraid to speak up and share your truth. Parents (and those who guide and lead), it is your responsibility to learn, listen, and be there – it will not be easy (ever), but if you try to “get it” without judgment, your mixed child will be far better off. Understanding is not knowing exact feelings; it is putting yourself in a frame of mind to truly sympathize and empathize with another's heart, mind, and soul, and love makes this possible. Parenting a mixed child is an experience that is unlike any other, but if you are equipped to understand, engaged in educating yourself, and open to love through the pain and growth, it is a beautiful journey that will be a gift for everyone who will be directly and indirectly impacted.
Follow-Up Article Based on The “Dear Mixed Girl” Letter “Parents Who Understand”
Understanding Feelings
At the turn of every corner, so it will seem, a “mixed” child will have experiences ranging from identity concerns to being bullied for simply being who they are. As parents, caregivers, leaders, guardians, etc., you will have to understand what that means for the child, teen, young adult, etc., so that you can gather how that affect their feelings. These things that may seem minor in the moment can have a lasting imprint on a person’s life, especially if they are addressed and support in effective ways.
Understanding What The World Sees
To the world, a mixed person can be seen as beauty, evil, filthy, pride, privilege, and everything in between. Coupling any present issues of identity or lack of awareness within a child, there can be concerns that present themselves on the exterior as well. It is important to not only be aware of what the world sees, but know what that means for what will be face by a mixed person their entire life.
Preparing Your Mind and Heart For What Will Be Said
If you have a loved one in your life, a child, teen, or young adult that is “mixed” and of a diverse cultural/ethnic/racial background, your mind and heart need to be slightly on-guard, full of patience, and always ready prepared to listen with your heart. Pain inflicted with intent to someone who is simply being themselves can cut very deep; when you see or feel that pain in the sense of empathy, it may impact as well, but you must be prepared to offer support in whatever way is necessary and in order.
Leaving Judgment At The Door
No matter what a mixed person may express or share with you, you must leave any judgment at the door. Unless you have truly walked in their shoes, you will not fully understand what they are facing, and that is okay. You can try to get into a healthy mindset by being in-tune, educated, and emotionally enough to leave some of your biases behind. Jumping into attack or trying to speak about what you would have done or downplaying a situation that requires love and support will not help – just pay attention and seek outside assistance, as needed.
Being Dedicated To Helping Success and Happiness Be A Reality
Crafting a future is about a series of events lining up with grounded feet, wise counsel, personal transformation, emotional intelligence, internal joy, and sound awareness of identity (just to name a few things). When you are a part of shaping a mixed girl’s future, you must be dedicated to helping her find who she is and this takes a lot of work, dedication, and tailoring of a lifestyle. There is no one-size fits all and you will never have all of the answers. Being there to offer support and present how self-created success and happiness are possible, will make her life change forever, and that starts with how you show up.
The “Dear Mixed Girl” letters are a series from Dr. KayLa N. Allen that share experiences, motivation, and compassion. These letters are linked to the “Dear Mixed Girl, What is Your Identity?” coaching program. Other related messaging that Dr. KayLa creates is to re-shape the way that mixed girls and women think about themselves and how they contribute to the world by being themselves.
No “mixed” experience is the same, but many parts of the biracial/multi-ethnic experience are similar. It is in these similarities that we can find individuals truths and ways in which we can become the best version of ourselves regardless of what the world may show us.
Dr. KayLa N. Allen’s greatest hope is to share with others her truth and what lives inside of her so that there can be sustainable changes and powerful impact in those living the life of a “mixed” girl.
If you or the mixed girl in your life felt the impact of this letter, read more empowering messages and find out how you can transform yourself, be proud of who you are, and lead a unique and joyful life via Dr. KayLa N. Allen’s coaching programs.